Our friendship was developed when we were both broken. When we have no idea where and how to start.

Let’s name that person X.

We were introduced to each other by our common friends. We had a small talk over coffee and said goodbye. That’s it. It was like a casual meet up. I’m not sure who added who on Facebook, but nothing followed after that. But if there’s one thing I was sure of that night, I knew I felt something. However, I just ignored it.

Weeks later, I was surprised to receive a message from X. It was a plain message but I can’t contain my happiness. We talked about so many things, from our travel plans to our personal interests. I didn’t know but, it was as if we knew each other well already that we were both comfortable talking about personal stuff.

Until…

“When we first met, I had no idea you would be so important to me.” X said.

I don’t know how I would feel, but I knew from that moment, my heart was exploding with so much happiness. I knew it would go deeper. And we decided to see each other again.

We planned a trip. It was X’s birthday. And it all went well. It was very personal. It was intimate. It was perfect. But more than that, I knew X is special. I knew I already fell in love.

But the feeling was cut short. I haven’t heard from X after that. I kept asking myself if I did something wrong or I just said something bad. I was paranoid. I kept understanding the situation trying to figure out which part went wrong but I can’t get any clue. I have no idea what happened but I’m still trying to get in touch. I received no response. I guess that was the most painful I’ve ever been to, I was left hanging.

Yes, we had “that” feeling, but I guess it wasn’t defined clearly. We were in love but it all happened very fast. I guess what’s wrong in all that was I entered a relationship without a label. I guess I already assumed it was something when in fact there was nothing.

I was moving on, trying to forget what just happened until I got a message from X. I told X that we had to sort things out, that at least gave me a reason. It was something that I shouldn’t demand but I believe I deserve an explanation at least.

It was over a coffee again but unlike the first time, this one is something bitter. I knew I came strong or at least prepared, but it was different when you are at “that” situation already and you heard the most heartbreaking words straight from that person’s mouth.

X gave me a hug, perhaps the last. I took the cab and went straight to the airport. But that journey was the longest, shattering. I was trying to compose myself, but my eyes can’t hold the tears anymore. It was heavy.

I’m forgetting everything. But there was something that still drags me. I can’t recall how we got connected again. But that connection helped me breathe once more.

Today, I started appreciating each moment that we talked. Almost everyday. Until now. We may not be “lovers”, but I guess we now have a deeper sense of friendship. We are updated of what’s happening with our lives, from littlest of things to our achievements, from our bad days to things that make us laugh. We even told secrets up to the point where we let each other know about our dates or the person we are hanging out with.

As with X, I didn’t realize that again, we are building a great connection. We slowly had the chance to get to know each other better. I guess, we are fulfilling the part that we missed out before. The exciting part that we rushed before. We are getting to know each other seriously and deeply. I know we both moved on. We are now in this new chapter that we can strengthen and cherish even more.

Sometimes, we tend to run and escape from heartbreaks, because we are in deep pain. Cross out the idea of being “lovers” and consider the idea of friendship. What happened to us may not happen the same way with everyone but I know our friendship was developed when we were both broken. When we have no idea where and how to start. I don’t know, but when I think about it, I feel no regret, no jealousy, not even vengeance. I am just happy that now, I can say we are best of friends.

To my X, THANK YOU!